Lessons from January

Many of you know that January was a hard month for me. Normally during the first month of the year, things start up slowly and I have time to enjoy with all of my Los Pinos families as we get ready for back to school. This year, things were turned upside down by the closing of a ministry I was previously associated with and the fact that no one cared to take responsibility for the kids that were displaced.

The first big obstacle was finding Karen, a deaf/mute woman with little to no independent life skills, a new home. Praise God He connected me with a ministry willing to take her, but I had to move her into my home as a “test run” because the former ministry was reporting all kinds of uncharacteristically strange and violent behavior. The week was partially calm and partially disastrous, and I discovered just how much she had been abused recently. I was guilty of losing hope in her situation, unable to see that God’s power is great enough even in her life. I cried out to God so many times that week as I felt that I had no strength to deal with everything I had to deal with. Interestingly enough, God led me to pray not that the problems would all be immediately resolved, but instead for stamina to stay strong throughout a long trial.

The day before Karen was moved into her new home, Carlos called me in tears explaining to me how his Dad had rejected him once again and he had no choice but to live on the street behind the dumpsters with his mom. He moved in with us the very next day, and we immediately started looking for housing and schooling options for him. I spent hours and hours and hours trying to find a perfect place for him, fix all the problems and pay off debts left by irresponsible people who claimed to be responsible for him previously. Through the recommendation of friends and friends of friends, we committed to a living situation and a school, which in all reality, has turned out to be far less than ideal. I’m still not sure how long-term of a solution it will turn out to be, and I’m dealing with feelings that people either didn’t care to be honest with me or purposefully inflated their glowing recommendations to deceive us. Being a perfectionist and a planner, leaving things still up in the air and less than ideal is just another stressor!

As all of this was going on, I was freaking out inside because I had no time to start the Los Pinos back-to-school project – meeting with families new and old, getting uniform sizes, putting school supply lists together, etc. Only in the very last minute did I have time to hurriedly get everything together, while dealing with growing security and extortion concerns in the area. This time is my favorite time of the year, and praise God this year was no different. After a crazy month, this was the refresher I needed (and something to keep my mind busy enough to not stress about anything else!). Despite the shortened time frame, there was still miraculously time and extra time to get everything together in time – uniforms delivered before classes started and school supplies turned in before the deadline the teachers give to the students.

I’m finally on the down turn after all the business, and I’ve wanted for a while to share with you guys what I learned through these crazy months.

First, I realized how blessed I am to love the ministry that I normally do. This might be an un-missionary like thing to say, but I did not enjoy a lot of the surprise ministry I did this past month! I did not enjoy having a woman in my home who threatened my safety and the safety of my kids. I did not enjoy trying to pick up the pieces of other peoples’ intentional mistakes. I did not enjoy having at least one or more guests (and many coming and going) in my home consistently for more than a month (I’m an introvert at heart). BUT we don’t necessarily have to love what God calls us to do. Many times we do because He knows our hearts and loves working with the strengths He created in us. BUT if he calls us to do it, we don’t get to say no just because we don’t want to. We don’t get to say no because it seems dangerous. We don’t get to say no because it will cost us something,

I don’t mean to call anybody out, but I think this is something that has become lost in the American Church. We are called to live sacrificially, meaning that following Him can and should impact our daily lives. We must give more than we think we can. We must help more than we are comfortable with. We must reach out to people we don’t want to talk to. We must put ourselves in hard situations even though they have risks associated with them. Only when we do this will we see God make up the difference (and so much more). When we give more than we can afford, He becomes our provision. When we volunteer ourselves in dangerous situation, we are trusting that He is our Defender. When we are in over our head, His power takes over.

The key to all of this is listening to the Lord and following His calling. I’m not advocating recklessness, just obedience.

Secondly, I continue to learn more about faith. Many times this month I was tempted to lose faith and take my eyes off the Lord because it seemed like nothing was working out. Sometimes I forget that the promises that I’ve witnessed in my life (protection, love, provision, guidance, strength, etc) are valid for all of His children. He saves them, not me. So many times my plans just didn’t work out at all how I had planned them. I would work for hours, put sweat and tears into a plan only to see marginal benefit. Even when I feel that I am following God’s leading, I still don’t see the perfect ending I so want to see. The fact is, God doesn’t owe me a perfect ending, a perfect resolution. He sees my work and obedience and I know He smiles upon that, but His plan is bigger – so much bigger! He gave me the chance to be part of His plan, but the weight and responsibility of the results rest solely on Him, not me.

Lastly, simply put, I’ve seen God’s faithfulness. Like I said, I’m coming out of the other side of everything, and that in itself is a testament to God’s faithfulness. He was with me every step, sending people to my side occasionally, but mostly He gave me strength to make it through alone. He cared for my kids when the stress of my day made me a much less patient mom than normal. When I had less time, his protection over them was unwavering. Everything that had to be accomplished was accomplished – all the kids from the ministry found their new place and the project in Los Pinos went absolutely wonderfully. Take it from me; this was not by my own strength.

Our God is good and faithful and He can do so much more than we can ask or imagine! What a beautiful lesson to learn as we start this New Year!